I am not every woman; it is not all in me. I do not have to engage in any activities that aren’t conducive to the betterment of me. I re-realized I don’t like small talk. I don’t like average food or average thoughts. Some days I see the appeal in settling. It’s easy, or it appears to be due to the quick highs it may bring but it’s not sustainable it’s just easily attainable. See I’m dope, inside and out but sometimes doubt makes my capabilities blurry. Sometimes I reach for a distraction or opt for turmoil over peace while lying to myself about what it could be and rejoice with a sigh of relief when I get over it quickly. All of this is unnecessary, and I know the truth therefore I simply must walk in it. I am ambitious; far from perfect and every day I understand why I must release the desire to be. I know exactly what I want while questioning myself due to my insecurities. Thinking my wants are out of reach but it’s only the distance in the work I don’t do while doing all the things I’m least interested in.

Doing the things I don’t like feeds mediocrity. I get confused because I don’t want to appear mean or misunderstood but it’s silly of me to think most will understand when most don’t have the capacity. See some may say that makes me conceited when it makes me Godly which is the sum of what I aspire to be. Everything isn’t for me, and everyone shouldn’t understand me but what I want wants me too, and I must prepare for those things to attract them. My lack of discipline outshines my progress because I’ve gotten so far by doing so little, but the next stage requires the work. I deserve the work and the collateral gifts that come with it. As I’m discovering the value of things I’m getting better at assessments and appraisals. Value is personal, what I value and someone else values is different. I value ease and kindness, so the work previously wasn’t worth it, but I now understand the work isn’t toil its simply movement in a dedicated direction.

I deserve the work. I deserve plans and budgets; I deserve intentions and strategy. It’s self-control which is self-love. Going from getting a lot of things easily it will feel like punishment at first but it’s only delayed gratification. The goals are bigger, so you want to write them and keep them in focus to prevent distractions. You also must share the goals to get accountability. Do your best not to beat yourself up when you stumble, talk to yourself nice to get back on track. Celebrate progress in ways that beget more progress. Take your time, it’s a marathon, not a sprit. You want to arrive at your destination empty but not sick; eat well, rest well and leave room for healthy play. Everything you want wants you too so release the mediocre so your hands will be free for the remarkable.