Eternal Sunshine
A few weeks ago my own sunshine scared me. I wanted to put it up because I thought it was shining too bright. Can you imagine wanting to put the nearest star in the sky away because people could see its light? Silly right, but different moments trigger us. This moment launched me into a journey of why the hell would I want to hide my light, lol, which pushed me on a journey to learn my triggers. I have PTSD from my possessive ex telling me I’m too social, especially with men, I show my teeth too much (that means smile🙄), I’m this or that and blah blah blah. I am social but I’m not “too” anything. I walk into rooms like I own them, I bop to the beat of any music playing, I jump in rain puddles, I be freely in my own zone and people, not just men, are intrigued by that.
Growing up I didn’t notice it. I talk to everyone! The mail man, clerk at the grocery store, if you have a tag on I’ma use your name like we’ve known each other for eons; I’m a talker cause my Dads a talker. We both never met a stranger in our lives. Outside looking in I’ve always known my father‘s chatting was harmless but the wrong person would think he was flirting. See the difference??? For me some people were picking up what I was putting down as an invitation to something when I was simply being light. I’m finally bringing my husband into fruition so any risk of a fumble was making me super uncomfortable. I started feeling responsible for other’s feelings, the world became noisy and I became overwhelmed so I got quiet. In the quiet I remembered God is omnipotent. I know nothing but He knows everything so I never need to figure it out. I had to remember it’s not my light it’s His light therefore, I don’t need to know when to share it or how to make someone receive it. He has that covered. There’s no fumble if I stay close to Jesus and I won’t be overwhelmed if I keep my ears to His voice. The sun rises every single day; whether it’s rainy, foggy or not a cloud in the sky. All we gotta do is show up with God in our hearts and on our tongues. Read your Bible, pray and meditate to get and stay familiar with His voice. Our relationship with Him is omni-important so silence the outside noise and trust Him. 😮💨 easier said than done but doable nonetheless. As always I’m praying for your success. Love, peace & hair grease. #SincerelyJam 💋🤟🏾🎈