Hey Lover
So I have a crush… I’m not sure when I’ll tell him, lol, so I might as well tell y’all and make some sense out of it.
I am the definition of a hopeful romantic. I LOVE love. Everything about it. Yes, the superficial parts but more of the deep down true soul of it. This is my second crush in life. The first was Lee Davis in high school. He was a couple years older, although he was on the football team, he was super chill and his smile was adorable. He walked me to class in 9th grade and I almost melted. Fast forward 20 something years later I’m crushing on a man, and he isn’t doing anything about it. Lol, he doesn’t know but still!
I’m aggressive and impatient. These things usually have negative connotations but not to me, I simply go get what I want as soon as I can. I’m not interested in waiting. I refuse to pray for patience, yet I know it is essential. Maybe that is the moral of the story. To wait.
Recently I’ve slowed down a lot. It allows so much to play out and the clarity it brings is stunning. Waiting has never harmed me. It has protected me and prepared me. This crush started preCovid of course. I’d see him out, but I don’t pay people much attention unless they command it. I see everything though and dude been noticed me. Someone briefly introduced us; I looked up from my phone to shake his hand, but he genuinely advised he was a hugger. Old me would have thought that was corny but on that day, it commanded my attention and a hug. He is tall and people seem to be shrinking now days so that had my attention too. I went back to writing on my phone, but I specialize in recon, so I did some homework. I listened to an interview or two (or ten, lol) and y’all I am proud of this attraction. His peace has me. I know everyone gets upset but he seems so in control of his emotions, and I am digging it.
I used to like BS. I’m talking about beautiful men who knew it, they were cool humans but not great significant others. If not them, persistent men, which I now know share a thin line with controlling or suffocating. Any who I’ve prayed to get over it multiple times but here we are with a whole post about it, so I think maybe I’m supposed to have a crush. It’s exciting and innocent! I’m someone’s secret admirer which is different because I prefer to be admired. It feels healthy and safe though. It’s reassuring of my growth and that my picker isn’t broken, lol. I know how dope I’ve been to people who didn’t know what to do with it and although I’m content alone I know I’m a relationship person.
I thrive in intimate relationships and with a partner. Everybody loves their independence and doesn’t like saying that out loud but a relationship, at least a healthy one, doesn’t take away your freedom. You don’t become trapped. In the right relationships you become more you. Plus, your support system is important. I’ve done a lot of healing. I’m growing and I am super self-aware so I’m like God how much longer do I need to wait, lol.
I honestly think certain growth can only happen in relationships. Certain lessons can only be learned while people are in close proximity. So, this is my attempt at patience. It’s cool but I still prefer to get what I want when I want. Honestly, I’m mostly eager to see if my intuition is right. Is he this dope person he appears to be? Can non-BS hold my attention?
Awww look at that it’s more about me, LOL. Thanks, guys, for being here as I discovered that. Now what can you discover about you? Life doesn’t have to be so serious. Daydream! Patience is really a virtue. Even when our wants are healthy often waiting is the only way to see our dreams through. In the wait keep being you, keep growing and keep learning. Get to aligning yourself with those dreams. It will be exactly as it should sooner than later, or you’ll discover simply dreaming was what was needed. Personally, I’ma make this dream come true. Since Covid is still here I’m not approaching dude today. I refuse to do it on social media because I’m a different force live and in living color. So, for now I’ll simply enjoy the daydreaming. It’s actually a lot of fun. Try it. #SincerelyJam