Betrayal is defined as the act of disappointing a person’s trust, hopes, or expectations. Since we typically don’t trust our enemies, betrayal involves someone we are in a close relationship with. Someone we’re so close to we don’t see it coming. The funny thing about it is I don’t think most culprits see it coming either. I believe humans are born kind and there is kindness at the core of all of us, but this world can chip away at our goodness. We easily take offense to things, see or hear what we want to all based on our experiences with little thought of the actual meaning or intent of another. Most of us don’t even take the time to clarify. That’s crazy when we’re the only creatures that can talk. We have the most in-depth way to communicate and don’t. For years I didn’t use my words either. I was so “unbothered” and nonchalant, all as a coping mechanism to protect myself from pain but what I’ve learned is the more vulnerable I become the less pain I endure.

I’ve been hurt a few times this year, but I took the time to clean my wounds and healing happened swiftly because I also didn’t pretend I wasn’t hurt. I learned not to take things personally, but betrayal feels extremely personal. When it first happened to me, I was upset. Like PISSED. Then I became sad and disappointed. Think about it; for a person to have disdain in their heart towards anyone they must be fighting some tough battles and losing. For a person in close proximity to not feel comfortable asking a fellow warrior for help in their battle saddens me. It’s disappointing that instead of using their words to heal they’d rather express nothing or let it come out in a way that harms someone they claim to care about. I was disappointed with myself too. I started doubting my own judgment and kindness, like how did I allow this to happen. I wanted to tell myself not to blame me, but I was to blame. Although I couldn’t predict it, I have a choice on who I share my time, space, and energy with. I get to choose my lovers and friends and those decisions should not be made lightly. In our everyday choices, we have the option to exercise discernment and there are moments, often small, but moments when we know something is off.

Often in these moments, I have moved forward with relationships with little to no caution because it wasn’t a “bad” feeling. Stop That. Life isn’t only good or bad, black, or white, it’s a million shades of gray and in the gray, there is a lot to be learned. The gray teaches us and stretches us in preparation for where we need to go. The gray areas provide us with feelings and emotions to navigate through opportunities, character, people’s capacity and make sure we understand our own. Stop Ignoring Stuff. We are here to be kindhearted, and how we keep a kind heart is by loving ourselves. We wouldn’t advise our children to be in proximity with some of the people we mosey along with because it isn’t safe. Please Be Safe. We cannot love our brothers as ourselves if we aren’t safe and we don’t protect our hearts. 

Only fools rush in. We must take our time building relationships and sort through senses of danger. Instead of moving forward, pray and be still to allow snakes to reveal themselves. Where there is confusion and doubt, we shouldn’t be. Pay attention and get clarity to decrease the damages in between us. #SincerelyJam