Some Other Time
May I be honest with you? Being healed is harder than living broken. The amount of accountability and self-awareness you have once you know better is heavy. I know it’s God’s armor protecting me yet carrying it is a lot and the memories of living broken float weightlessly in my mind.😕
The past week I became frustrated and annoyed on multiple occasions because instead of using my God-given discernment I let distractions run a muck. Discernment can feel like smoke and mirrors. Similar to saving money you have to deny yourself some things because you want safety. Outside looking in those executing discernment may appear finicky. Discernment vocalized when you’re middle-aged, single and dating can even come off as contemptuous or hard to please but it’s not, you’re simply hard to get. Being hard to get isn’t a childish game or a list of ridiculous rules it’s having standards. Family and friends may inquire and if you decide to share some will attempt to convince you to edit your values in the assumption that you want too much; although good intentions are their driving force most have taken the advice to settle into their lives instead of basking in the life of their dreams. They use words like practical and reasonable because magic and soulful aren’t familiar to them. That’s ok; people are different and differences are beautiful and necessary.
Similar to your path outside of dating your route is specific to exactly what this world needs from you and you from it. Hindsight brokenness is hard too. The cracking and breaking, losing pieces of yourself, and misplacing fragments get messy, you cut yourself, you cut others and it is exhausting. Although healing is hard it’s worth it, plus you my friend can do hard things. Consistently showing up may take some getting used to but like exercise it gets easy over time and the results are priceless. So this is a friendly reminder to get or stay connected to God. Once you start trusting His voice thats when true discernment comes. Cancel the date. You’re anxious because you don’t want to go. Be honest with people, if you don’t want to be friends don’t be. You’re irritated because you’re sharing space you’re not supposed to share, don’t try to change them, God made them too so let them be. Say no to exchanging numbers even when they ask again after you said no, get out of their car walk a block to catch up to you and your dog, promise they aren’t a stalker, compliment you, and tell you their entire life story so you feel sorry for them.🙃 Yes that happened, then he was 50 minutes late to the date without communication and thought he was still going on a date with me, LOL, nah. That’s all my fault tho, I knew better, and when you know better, you should do better.
Stop giving people access to you! Discernment doesn’t need reason. When we read God’s word and build a relationship with Him, we get to know Him and His voice, allowing us to hear His whispers. What He whispers to you doesn’t need to be explained or understood by others, it’s yours. Your discernment is your direction, it navigates you safely to the people, places, and things you’re supposed to meet. Manufacturing shortcuts and entertaining detours jack up your pace for grace so cut it out. You don’t want to arrive jaded or beat up; you wanna arrive whole. #SincerelyJam